ex wants to be friends after years

This past week he called me to tell me he misses me, that he has been having a hard time with the breakup, and wanted to make sure I was okay. So I negotiated this, I would be fine starting as her friend but I would want 2-3 weeks of mutual exclusivity. My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me two weeks ago. I want to just not reply, but I feel bad for the whole we can be friends during the breakup, and if I do reply its probably going to be on the lines of no not now, your website has been an incredible resource through all of this though! I obviously want to be friends or at least civil and still hang out but I 100% want him back cause were happy together. Smearing is a complete power move- it's an attempt to knock you down while simultaneously boosting their ego. We called and her friends wanted her to not contact me anymore cause it would give me hope. What Happens When You Ignore A Breadcrumber? 9. It's hard to have boundaries, especially after a breakup. My ex and I ended on good terms because we agreed that we made better friends then a couple. Generally speaking an ex can get upset over the no contact rule being used on him and think to himself, "Fine, I don't need her. If you were good friends before you took things forward, chances are your ex is reaching out because they miss your company. So, you break up and your ex offers you the option to still be friends with them. My ex and I ended our relationship for nearly 3 months. Where do we come running when this happens? You are going to have one type of conversation with your boss. We shared some time of our lives together. Your ex isn't the one that should determine your actions; you have to follow your heart. Hi, i was seeing a girl long distance for a month(both of us are 21) (December- January). Please Help. This is especially true if they got broken up in a ridiculously disrespectful way via text, left for another person, ghosted, treated horribly and so on. If you dont want to be friends with an ex its because you want to move on from your relationship, turn the page, and move on while you rebuild yourself. Your ex regrets breaking up with you. It should be a well-thought decision whether or not you want to continue being in touch with each other. She put me on a slow ride of secretively killing our relationship while we are still together and I am doing all I can (even being very sick and a difficult phase of my personal/professional life). There are all kinds of reasons why an ex wants to be friends, but one thing is for sure and that is that they still care about you. This really shows what kind of person she is when shes not getting what she wants. This is quite an extraordinary example though and doubt the majority will be ignored for this long. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve. My ex is someone who needs a lot of attention and presence and Im someone who shows his affection and care by actions, not words. Can Breaking Up Strengthen A Relationship? I do not want to be breadcrumbed. How to let go of an ex who wants to be friends? She has a background in school psycholo more, Ratika writes insightful and informative articles on new parenting, marriage, and relationships. We both agree Im taking a gamble, a stupid gamble that after reading articles and articles look like it doesnt work lol but Im still here. I know if I never asked for this, me personally I would never talk about any other girls in front of her. If not anything else, the reason why your ex wants to be friends with you is that they seek sex with no strings attached. January 18, 2023 | 5:44pm. Youre either all in or all out. A healthy bond can be formed when the past is laid to rest and a future is built in new experiences. Please leave your comment below. I was not expecting that, we were never boyfriend or girlfriend but we both acted like it and obviously set up red flags for each other by speaking about very serious things when we were together. Youre either in a conflict with your ex and the breakup didnt lead to a calm after the storm, or youre lucky enough to be able to have a platonic and healthy relationship after a breakup that went well.. Let me unpack these three insights for you. Therapist and author of Temptations of the Single Girl, Nina Atwood, said it is not necessarily wrong to stay friends with an ex, but she advises that it can be challenging, and can leave you in a tough spot emotionally. Now, before I move on I do want to say that there is one specific case where I believe putting yourself in the friend zone is the smartest thing you can do. Todd Williamson/Bravo via Getty. How do you know? Thats just ridiculous and unfair that she is not acknowledging my genuine concern, interest. I know her behaviour. "If they're texting you that they want to hang out, that they miss you, that they've made a mistake . You are always going to be starving for validation because of anxiety and false hope. To reiterate, instead of pretending to be your exs friend and becoming needy by contacting him and asking him various questions, you should quickly accept the friendship and immediately lay low. I couldnt help it. 4. What would you advise me to do? First of all if youre hoping to get back together and its looking impossible (probably because you havent had a coaching session yet) you should never think, At least I can be their friend; its better than nothing, or At least theyll be by my side.. It is not a good idea to be friends with your ex just because they are afraid of change. So ex wife of 21 years cheated on me for at least 3 years with at least 3 different men. I tried to do no contact three weeks ago, and yesterday he reached out saying how proud he was of me for starting my business that I was planning. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). In fact, every night before I go to sleep we do talk for 5-7 mins on call, and before sleeping every time we say I love you to each other but all these things just put in doubt regarding if she actually loves me then what is the issue in coming back in the relationship. In many cases, there are sincere reasons to get back together with an ex. The sooner you let her know she cant contact you anymore, the better. He just came back and asked if he was allowed to be a part of my life. He says that he wants to be friends and doesnt know what the future holds. 1. My ex wants to be friends with me and I can still be close to them. See a medical professional for personalized consultation. Honestly it hurt hearing that, I genuinely wished the best for her. Save. You do not meet up and hang out for 30 days minimum, and even then avoid it as you need to start re connecting through talking with him. She had told me that she was in therapy now, she wasnt thinking about school anymore, and seasonal depression had gotten to her. She doesn't want to admit that she wants you back, so she pretends to just want to be friends. After one fight he said he needed space . We first started off as friends with benefits but that lasted a couple months before we fell for each other. Couples often get back together out of simple familiarity. Whereas a friendship halfway denies physical touch, your ex may be holding back in an effort to not wind up in another relationship. If you both have common friends, it may seem a worthwhile proposition for your ex to remain friends to decrease the awkwardness. What Is My Ex Thinking And Feeling In No Contact? People were jumping all over him and talking about how attractive he was, that they wanted to sleep with him Etc. People respond to breakups in many different ways. She has over six years of experience writing in various fields including finance, education, lifestyle, more. I often mention that dumpees hold a lot more power than they are initially aware of. I tried to solve things with her but she didnt want. These preferred personal traits are of course dependent on each individual. Message me if you change your mind. In a way, they are standing up for themselves by saying they wont settle for something so low. It is probably a mess in your head right now. All of that has been erased as quickly as you can say whoops. We then spoke on the phone and he mentioned that it was so nice to hear my voice, but if we pursue a friendship we cant go into it with expectations or our fingers crossed. Do not meet up with him for a while now. Why does my ex want to be friends years later? Being friends with an ex can be choppy waters to navigate, whether you're married or not. My ex husband was not ready for the real world consequences of leaving his marriage so he had been moving slowly. Breakups are not easy, so that it may affect your mental health. It could be hard to suddenly terminate contact with someone who has been a regular feature in your daily life. Broke it off again a year later, didnt speak for 5 or so months, he called for some silly reason and the calls started back up daily. I really want him back and cannot stop thinking about him. I really had my heart set on all the plans we made and it hurts to think about never seeing him again. I really love her, and it is a pity how she is breaking us up this way. He also said I helped made him a better person, he feels really good now, and that a continued relationship with us can never happen again. We didnt have any labels on the relationship, but it was very intense. Exes arent interested in a romantic, nor friendly relationship with you. 4. It may mean they are not over the relationship yet or regret the decision to break up with you. For example, if you do 30% of initiating, your ex must do 70%. What should I do? Ive also decided to have a month on self love and improvement. I initiated no contact, and I was started to feel better. However you are passionate to get him . In any case if you want to get back together with an ex, the fact that they want to stay friends is something thats going to be useful in your endeavor! Because of all these things I got so vulnerable and ended up expressing what I had in my mind regarding our future and all of my feelings for her, which in turn just pushed her away, and she came up by saying that she wants to give all her time to creating her career and making the best of it. What does this mean..? I really miss him and keep holding out hope. However, I think one thing we can universally agree on is that if you are in the friend zone you have some work to do before you can be trusted enough to have powerful conversations that are meaningful enough for your ex to consider you a lover again. Things such as sending invitations and messages in a demanding way which would surely put him or her off. "Chemistry doesn't always change.". Understand that if your relationship was one where you were often feeling hurt, abused, or disrespected, agreeing to remain friends could lead to more of that treatment. Then he asked to meet up again soon. They realize the pros. Learn how your comment data is processed. The interest level of this person has to be so high it evens out with your disinterest. But be honest with yourself. For some people their family may be more trusted than their friends. It is like nothing I did was enough. There is a type of relationship between exes that you may not have been expecting. His wife died almost a year ago so I know he is wanting to take things slow. You're still dealing with other unresolved feelings. Stocksy / Jovo Jovanovic. Make use of the push-pull dynamics, and allow him to do most of the work. Your current partner might be aware of what went down between you and your ex. Your exe's friends and family try to convince you to talk to them. As long as you arent getting used and you arent sleeping together I have seen certain exes successfully remain friends. Look at how you are being treated and ask yourself if staying friends with your ex really matters right now. I strongly suggest that you get ready and cut your ex off. Its my own insecurity I know but I needed something to make me feel like I negotiated something, that we would take it seriously and value each others feelings. Why Is The Dumper Silent After A Breakup? Perhaps the relationship was one-sided, a fling or an infatuation, and they are over with it now. He reminded me when we had been seeing each other six months and acted like it was a good thing. Are Dumpers Afraid To Contact Their Dumpees? Some will try to bad-mouth you to your immediate friends and family. Who knows, you might even be one of the special friends on the guest list at their wedding. What separates these people from having these different conversations? Signs Your Ex-Girlfriend Will Eventually Come Back. Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support. Dr. Margaret Ann Dixon is a psychologist in private practice in the state of Nevada, USA. Shes reaching out just to appease guilt and see what youre up to. This is great" you think to yourself. And then when out of work you follow the normal no contact rules. For your ex maybe there is no ambiguity but for you its simply a way to get closer and to stay in contact. She shares some but she would omit the details of some people, specially guy friend or colleague if she interacts with them. Youll probably have a different one altogether with your lover. Or just cut contact with no explanation? Your ex changed his attitude toward you because he no longer feels smothered. In short, its validation he seeks because something or rather someone isnt working out in his life. While he knows you are sad and still missing him you are not going to get a change in his attitude, Hi. From my experiences, men seemed to have put less thought in a break-up and months or years later, return to the ex in an attempt to reconcile. Receiving a text or DM from an ex can trigger some strong feelings. Your ex did not realize it earlier, but now they seem to see it. He will not want to commit to a relationship, and he will want to stay friends with benefits, but he might not like the idea of you seeing other people, and hold your . Do I need to check messages to know about someone we have been deeply in love and shared life? One of the reasons is that they like to share resources and help each other out. We didnt speak for a few months. She had accepted this long before she had ever reached out to me, and her motive for calling was that she had realized how hard it was to get out of the friend zone. Its hard to say because right now shes in a very smothered state. He did not reach out at this point. If you could establish a clear hierarchy itd probably look something like this. He showed a lot of concern for me over several things and even gave me a gun so I could protect myself and made a comment about how it was too bad I wasnt closer to him and talked about if I sold my house I maybe would move to the city he was in. Remember, if you re-enter your exs life, you will do so as friends. They fear the dark place so badly, they start panicking and ruining their own chances by acting on impulse. Id better stay out of this. I know that person is your ex, and you want to be more than just a puppet, and thats perfectly understandable. This time follow a 21 day NC without replying to him if he reaches out in the mean time. You have to let go of this person. Although you may like to explore friendship, you may be haunted by several questions, such as why do they want to re-enter your lives after all the unpleasant events? If he truly wants to be your friend/ misses you, he will reach out. Scroll down for six real-life stories from women who are still friends with their exes, whether for the sake of the kids or out of respect for the love they once shared, then head to the comments and tell us what your relationship is like with your ex today. She told me I dont really know what to respond But I like your new whatsapp picture it is very nice, have a nice day, I took 4 days to respond that, I told her Hey, thanks for liking my profile pic, keep in touch and have a nice day. Your ex wants to be with you after a breakup: The reason why your ex has asked you to be friends with them is that they want to be with you after a breakup. You need to leave her alone until she becomes afraid, realizes your worth, and comes back. Why all of a sudden he wants to be friends and change his behavior? Your coach when your ex wants to be friends. We hadnt said anything to each other all day, and he put one of those YOLO things on his story where people send you messages anonymously. She even organised my last birthday party. I never did. Afterward we did continue snapchatting a little bit. My ex broke up with me recently, but will contact me once a week. Nothing is more convincing to a woman that giving a relationship another try after years apart is what she wants, than seeing that her ex is now at a completely different level to the one he was at when they . If you want to get back together you have to create a means of getting closer, spending time together, but youre not going to try to establish friendship. Another study found that being friends with your ex is more likely to hold you back from moving on. I know my partner. He said couldnt we be friends until I met someone else. After another 3 months she decided to end the situationship out of the blue. I am so angry but our daughters have missed their mother. Let us explore why your ex wants to be your buddy.

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